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How to change your thoughts from negative to positive – A five step process

We all want the same thing - to be happy, to have peace of mind. When peace of mind is disburbed, we become unhappy, agitated, stressed-out. Dr. Henry Grayson, a psychoanalyst by training, describes a five-step process that you can use to change your thoughts from negative to positive. This process takes a few minutes and you can practice it where ever you are. 

Step 1. WHAT
As soon as you become aware that you do not have peace of mind as a result of a thought you are thinking, ask yourself the question, “What thought was I thinking that disturbed my peace of mind?”

Step 2. LABEL
Consciously think the thought. “I was thinking that I she must not like me because she didn’t want to join me for coffee.” Label the thought for what it is. “This is one of those ego thoughts that disturbs my peace of mind”.

Step 3. ASK
Ask yourself “Do I want to keep thinking this ego thought?”

Step 4. TAKE CONTROL
Take action. Because you are in control of what you think, you can choose your thoughts. Choose a decisive, action work like “delete”. See yourself using the delete button on your computer as you are deleting this thought. You can also make a statement like “I choose to let this thought go or I delete this thought.” It is important not to fight against the thought – simply observe the thought going away.

Step 5. REPLACE
After you’ve deleted the old thought, replace it with a general positive statement such as "I am a peaceful and loving person" or a statement specifically related to the old thought, such as, “I am a likeable person.”

This process does not require much time and it does require your awareness and focus. Practice as required and watch your negative thoughts change into positive ones at your command.

As a counselor who works with clients using telephone counseling, I use the process to teach clients how they too can take control over what they are thinking and restore peace of mind. 

 

Telehpone and Online Counselling

  Anonymity of the internet aids online counselling services By Carina Frey

Anonymity can sometimes lead to closer understanding between patient and practitioner in psychotherapy.

If the person being talked to is not visible, it is easier for the client to speak about terrible experiences or problems.

Therapists are now exploiting this in their work and providing counselling over the Internet.

'Psychotherapy is treatment for mental or emotional illnesses,' explains Fredi Lang of the Association of German Psychologists (BDP) in Berlin.

Counselling, however, is about providing advice on how to deal with problems. On the internet, the terms psychotherapy and counselling are often misunderstood to mean the same thing.

The BDP instituted a quality control system five years ago to aid clients seeking online counselling.

Meanwhile, about 20 websites have passed this test and now bear an insignia with the text 'Counselling by Psychologists'.

To obtain the award, the site's operators must have a diploma in psychology, inform their clients about the limits of online counselling and the necessity of encoding any correspondence by email.

However, this method of quality control is not sufficient, according to Ragnar Beer, psychologist at the University of Goettingen.

Beer says only sites operated by universities provide serious counselling. 'Non-verbal communication is missing online. That makes counselling or therapy very difficult,' says Beer.

Beer believes that is why the internet is unsuitable for classical forms of therapy.

However, a new approach to counselling has developed called interapy. Researchers at the University of Amsterdam developed this internet platform for treating post-traumatic stress disorder.

Interapy involves clients writing about their experiences on the basis of written instructions. Four-fifths of participants were free of symptoms after counselling.

One reason for interapy's success is the close nature of the relationship between the client and the therapist.

'We noticed that from the very beginning there was a very intense form of contact,' says Beer. This is due to the anonymity the internet provides.

'Clients can envisage their therapist according to their own ideal,' says Beer and the distance between client and practitioner makes it easier to discuss past experiences.

The psychologists behind the website Theratalk at the University of Goettingen have had a similar experience.

Theratalk went online in 1996 and provides online counselling for couples. Therapist and clients communicate in a secure chat room with a time lag.

'Patients often say they can speak freely because they can\'t see the therapist,' says Beer who heads Theratalk. That was particularly advantageous in dealing with sexual problems.

The psychologists pose questions in the chat rooms once a day. 'The patient had the whole day to think about what he or she wanted to say,' says Beer.

Their experience showed that counselling which took place in real time put pressure on clients. Another advantage of the chat room was that all questions and responses could be reread.

But online counselling has its limits. A patient\'s mental health must be in stabile condition and personality disorders cannot be treated online.

In addition clients who are experiencing a mental crisis should speak to a counsellor face to face.

© 2006 dpa - Deutsche Presse-Agentur

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Online Therapy

The Globe and Mail published an article called Online Therapy: The faceless cure?  written by Sharon Crawford. The article discusses the pros and cons of using email and chat as a counseling medium. She created a create list of wise things to do when considering online counselling.

List of things to consider when looking for e-help (by Sharon Crawford).

1. Research different therapists on-line. Make sure they have specific training doing on-line therapy.
2. Send an e-mail message to see if they are experienced with your problem or similar problems.
3. Make sure therapists belong to a professional organization requiring them to adhere to ethical guidelines.
4. Find out the cost. (Usually an hourly rate similar to conventional therapy.)
5. Make sure that the service (chat or e-mail) has a secure encrypted system.
6. Don't use public computers. Use your own computer, which other family members cannot access.
7. Try out the chat or e-mail to see if you and the therapist get along.
8. If the connection between you and the therapist doesn't feel right, switch therapy or therapist.
9. On e-mail, make sure the therapist will respond fairly quickly.
10. With e-mail, read over your message a couple of times before pressing "send."

Although counseling by phone is a different experience for both the therapist and the client, many of above considerations apply.

Psychotherapy: Improve your mental health

Psychotherapy: Improve your mental health through talk therapy written by Mayo Clinic Staff.

"Talking through your concerns with a therapist can help you find better ways to cope, solve problems and set realistic goals.

Psychotherapy is a general term for a way of treating mental and emotional disorders by talking about your condition and related issues with a mental health professional. It's also known as talk therapy, counseling or psychosocial therapy."

Read the entire article at Mayo Clinic

Telephone Counselling Can Help You Quit Smoking

If you are trying to quit smoking consider using a phone counselling service.

"Telephone counselling and care is more helpful to smokers trying to quite than routine care provided by doctors, a new study finds."

Read Phone Counselling Helps Smokers Quit found at www.Forbes.com.

Positive Self-Image and Success

A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success in life.
Dr. Joyce Brothers

Anger and the Risk of Injury

When you lose your cool - be careful - or you might end up in your local ER with an injury according to a study by Daniel Vinson reported in the current issue of the Annals of Family Medicine. More than 2000 people who ended up in one of three Missouri county ERs were interviewed about their levels of anger immediately before their injury and 24 hours prior to injury. 

 

Almost one-third aid they were irritable just before being injured with almost 12% stated they felt angry compared to 8% who stated they felt hostile. The greater the level of anger the greater the risk of injury, especially for men. Men who reported being "extremely angry "the risk of being injured was seven fold.

 

According to the Daniel Vinson, study's author , "The association between anger and injury was much stronger in men than women. Men may get more angry, may act on their anger, or they may get distracted by their anger."

 Annals of Family Medicine - original article

Getting Over Anger: Individual counselling and anger management telecourse for women with Lucy MacDonald, Canadian Certified Counsellor

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Canadian Helplines and Listening Services

A list of some Canadian counseling, referral and listening resources if you need someone to talk to:

 

Bereaved Families of Ontario  

"We provide a place for you to discuss your experiences and learn about grief with others who have been there. We give you a chance to talk, in a confidential setting, about how your loss affects your life. By sharing with others who have been there, you may learn how to cope by gaining insight into your own thoughts and feelings."
Distress Centers Ontario 

"Distress Centres Ontario is a provincial network that facilitates, promotes and works to build the capacity of community based agencies engaged in activities related to suicide prevention and improving the quality of life for Ontarians experiencing mental health problems."
Kids Help Phone Canada: “Angry? Lonely? Or just need someone to talk to? Are you having problems at home or at school? A 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, referral and Internet service for children and youth.

TEEN TOUCH is a Manitoba-based and volunteer driven Teen Touch organization which give young Manitobans the tools to handle real life problems through: a 24 hour telephone Helpline, an Internet self-help and online Virtual Help program, and by delivering a classroom-based outreach and information program.
Parent Help Line Canada
"Parent Help Line offers parents and caregivers access to information, support and referral 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. It’s anonymous, bilingual and free from anywhere in Canada.
Big Cove Health - lNew Brunswick list of resources
Tele-care Helpline  - Haliburton County Ontario 

 “Are you.... Lonely? In crisis? Depressed? Call Telecare Help Line and talk to someone who cares. All Telecare workers are volunteers, and all conversations are held in the strictest confidence. We can help by referring you to the appropriate agency,or just by listening.” 

 

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Road Rage

If you are an angry, aggressive driver chances are you think you are a pretty good driver and the fault lies with other drivers. Aggressive driving includes honking the horn, flashing your headlights rolling down your window at yelling, obscene gestures, and swearing. The typical aggressive driver is young, male, extrovert, highly stressed, competitive, and impatient. Aggressive drivers will run more red lights, speed, and get into more accidents.

Some suggestions for managing anger while driving:

• Give yourself plenty of time to get where you need to go. We often get angry and stressed when we are running late and do not anticipate possible delays due to traffic, weather conditions, etc.
• Listen to music that you enjoy and that you know puts you in a good mood.
• Use deep breathing as a way to slow down your heart rate and keep your cool.
• Try being cooperative. Let other cars merge into your lane, use your signals, don't tailgate.

If you are struggling with managing your anger studies show that anger management counselling is effective is reducing the amount of road rage people experience. Anger isn't good for your health nor your driving!

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Anger is Bad for Your Heart

If you have difficulty managing your anger you are putting your cardiac health at risk according to a study researcher Dr. Edward Suarez.

Anger, hostility and depression appears to increase the levels of C-reactive protein which is implicated with narrowing of the arteries and heart disease. C-reactive protein is released in the body when, among other things, you are stressed. According to the  study published in Psychosomatic Medicine (Sept 2004) the findings point to the possibility that 50% of heart attacks are linked to how we manage our anger, hostility and depression. Other studies show that people who are chronically anger have a three times greater risk of having a heart attack.  (Circulation Vol. 101, No. 17).

 

Learning to manage anger:

People who find a way to manage their anger constructively have lower resting blood pressure than people whose coping skills are weak. (Karina Davidson, PhD, International Journal of Behavioral Medicine (Vol. 6, No. 3).

 

It seems that how long you stay angry is the biggest risk factor and learning how to manage your anger so that you shorten the length of time that you are angry is a good place to start in your step towards anger management.

 

Getting Over Anger: Teleclasses and individual counselling with Lucy MacDonald, M.Ed. Canadian Certified Counsellor lucy@lucymacdonald.com

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 counselling, counseling, counsellor, counselor anger, anger_management, heart